11:11
by Running Up Fawn
Summary: J/S, AYN post-ep.


Title: 11:11

Author: Lauren/Running Up Fawn

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Samantha and Jack do not belong to me, the episode Are You Now or Have You Ever Been does not belong to me, and the song, Guster's "What You Wish For", isn't mine either.

Author's Note: J/S songfic, again. I know. This one could probably work okay without the song, but it fits, and it's Guster, so it's there. Set a few days after AYNOHYEB. Many thanks to everyone at Maple Street, for putting up with me (*g*) and for the amazing feedback.

****

_  
Sweep all the pieces under the bed_

_Close all the curtains and cover my head_

_And what you wish for won't come true_

_You aren't surprised love, are you?  
_  
Samantha glanced absently at her watch, the bright green numbers flashing "11:11". 'Make a wish,' she thought bitterly to herself, instantly regretting the feeling. Samantha hated being bitter, hated holding grudges, especially over things that were out of her control. She looked briefly to her left, where Jack Malone sat behind the wheel of the vehicle parked under the cover of darkness outside of a small suburban home. Seventy-two hours after everything came crashing down on interrogation day, and here they were, working a stake-out together. She remembered how Jack had sounded when he spoke to her only a few hours before. "You're with me." So professional, almost curt, his voice held none of its usual warmth, and he hadn't even been able to meet her eyes. Though she was never one for avoiding things, Samantha had been dreading the stakeout since the words were off his lips. The tension in the vehicle could have been cut with a knife, and neither had spoken since they reached the house over an hour ago. Work in general had been hell since that day, she reflected. Oh, Samantha had known it wouldn't be the same. Jack's three words had hit her like nothing she ever felt, despite the fact that part of her was anticipating them, and she knew things would change. She hadn't, however, expected the familiarity, the ease that used to exist between them, to disappear so completely. Samantha felt like she was sitting next to a complete stranger, and hated it. Involuntarily, she shivered, as the night's cold air began to creep inside the silent vehicle. Jack turned to her.  
"You cold?" He asked, and the sudden, genuine concern she heard in his voice made her heart clench. Sam shrugged.  
"I'm okay," she answered, knowing full well that she wasn't, and that it had nothing to do with the slowly decreasing temperature in the car.  
"You're not." Jack spoke matter-of-factly, and he quietly took off his jacket, handing it to her. She pulled it on gratefully, closing her eyes for a second as she wrapped herself in the coat, letting Jack's lingering scent and warmth surround her.  
"Thanks." Samantha dared to look up and into his eyes, something she hadn't been able to do for what felt like a very long time.   
A deep breath, then, "Sam." Samantha loved the way her name sounded on his lips, especially when he used her nickname, the epithet that only he could get away with.   
"Yeah." Impossible as it had been for their eyes to meet earlier, it was just as impossible now for either to look away.  
"I'm sorry." Two words, and then he couldn't stop. "I'm sorry for putting you through so much hell, and expecting you to take it in stride. I'm sorry for acting like this was something that I could just end, with a few words." A pause. "And I'm sorry, for never being able to give you up." He touched her cheek softly, looking at her with a kind of wondering intensity, as if he had never really seen her before.  
_   
Keep all the secrets under the bed_

_Open the curtains, forget what I said_

_And what you wish for could come true_

_You aren't surprised love, are you?_  
  
It took Samantha a few seconds to catch her breath, as Jack's words and the meaning behind them washed over her. Over the past three days she had tried so hard to force herself into accepting that things were finished between them, and she certainly wasn't prepared to hear what sounded like the exact opposite, no matter how much she wanted to. So she didn't say anything, and just let Jack talk.  
"I don't know what I was thinking, that day. Everything with the trial, and Farrell's investigation..it was all so damn hard to deal with. I was looking for a way to make things easier, I guess. At the time, I thought it would be the best for both of us. At least, that's what I told myself." Jack's voice almost shook with the raw honesty. "I thought it was the right thing to do. You shouldn't have to lie on my behalf, not even to someone like Farrell. But I'm such a selfish bastard, Sam. Because I'm glad you did. I don't.." Jack took a deep breath, and it was only then that he realized Samantha's chilled hand was covering his own, "I don't want to put you through anything else. You deserve so much more than this. But I can't pretend anymore. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being selfish again. God, I know I am. It's just, so..cold, without you."  
It was a long moment before Samantha spoke. "I wished for you." Her voice was quiet, broken, as every emotion she had weathered over the past three days surfaced. Her eyes searched his. "It was hard before, hiding this.." she gestured between them "from everyone. It was hard, but it was worth it, because there was you, and that made it okay. When you said it was over, it stopped being hard. It became impossible, Jack. Because if it's over, I can't look at you, or touch you. I can barely talk to you. If it's over, I'm alone." She stopped for a moment, as if she was just realizing the truth behind her statement. "It was never about the sex." Sam said this bluntly, honestly. She wanted him to know. "At least for me, it was so much more than that."   
Jack nodded, acquiescing. For him as well, his feelings for her ran far deeper than the mere physical release.  
"No matter how difficult it got, it was always something we shared. That's what got me through." Her eyes and voice were earnest, pleading with him to understand something he already knew. "I don't know what's going to happen. I hated the secrets and the lies, but I'd rather have them then this..this numbness. I want to feel again, Jack."  
Words escaped him. Jack traced the contours of her face, moving gently across the stubborn line of her jaw, which trembled under his delicate touch. The moment was so fragile, so precious, that Samantha was afraid to breathe. It rekindled something deep inside of her, something she had tried so desperately to bury over the last seventy-two hours.  
Something that she could never truly rid herself of, especially not in this car, in the dark, with his hand on her cheek and his face only inches from hers.  
A door slammed, shattering the moment. Samantha and Jack jumped as the real reason they were here left his house and jumped into his own car, gunning it into motion. Jack smiled ruefully at Sam before silently starting the engine of their vehicle. This particular moment was gone, but there would be others. Their conversation had taken them back to where they were before the interrogation, back where they weren't sure of anything except each other. They were back where they started, but, Samantha reflected, maybe that wasn't such a bad place to be.  
  
_So what you wish for could come true_

_  
You act surprised love, are you?  
  
  
_

_  
_[end]


End file.
